memorializing

Happy Memorial Day!

AMcK and I started the day off with lunch followed by some lazy pool lounging.  It was quiet when we got there (we always crash the pools at the apartments downtown) and there were only 2 other girls besides us.  It was hotter than coals within 5 minutes so we decided to do some mermaid splashes and can opener jumps.  JK.  I tiptoed my way into the pool and screamed and cringed with every inch that covered me because the water was freezing.

Christy and Joe came up there with a cooler stocked with beer and snacks and that made for an even better time.  I ran into Chris Gray and then the birthday girl, Amanda Michael, and Neeks showed up with Colin and Michelle and Astrid.  It was a great little pool party and before I knew it, we had been there for almost 5 hours.

I'm officially well-done and have some major raccoon-eye business happening on my face.  AMcK's nose "looked like it had been dipped in cancer" after awhile.  Love you, girl.

I love pool dayz and Havana nights!

Anchors away or chips ahoy or something like that!

Pets and kisses and bikini waxes!

amanda michael

Happy Birthday, lover

Ocean Balls.

There's a time and a place to make adjustments to your junk.  That time and place would likely be like, in the privacy of your home or behind closed doors but noooooo.  Some people insist on adjusting and scratching their business during situations that make other people really uncomfortable and scared. 

Like, during weddings and stuff.

Initially following the wedding ceremony I noticed Khaki Suit Guy.  Every time I looked in his direction, he was looking at ME.  Freaked me out.  Then I noticed that whenever we made eye contact, he would make it a point to lock eyes and then dig around in his crotch region.  Doesn't he know it's rude to dig when people are eating canape?

Later that evening, after everyone was good and drunk on devil's brew, Nikki approached and finally asked out loud what we had all been wondering in our heads:

"Dudes, what's up with dude in the khaki suit locking eyes with everyone and getting all up in his junk?"

We all turned our heads and sure enough, Khaki Suit Guy was looking and adjusting.  Because I had quickly diverted my eyes each time I saw him, I truly began to wonder what was going on down there.

Me:  Is he scratching himself or is he full-on getting in there and moving stuff around?
Nik:  Dude!  He's full-on adjusting!  There's like, ripples of the ocean happening down there!  Freaking ocean balls is happening!

Next thing I know, we're all doing a crazy dance while laughing--there needs to be a video of it on here but I don't think we were on top of our game that night to have the genius to record this thing.

So, by the end of the night this poor guy went from being called Khaki Suit Guy to Ocean Balls, which in turn turned into Billy Ocean Balls to Dr. Billy Ocean Balls. 

No idea.

Kelly's mom tried to hook Sam up with OB after they each caught the bouquet and garter belt.

Match made in heaven?!

Macbook fun

I would post the funny film that Dave's stepdad and I "directed" last night but it's ridiculous and I look terrible so I'll spare you the trouble.

Happy Friday, peeps!  I'm headed to the east to crash a wedding.  Jk.  Roadtrip!  Let's do this!

I will like this salad, I will like this salad, I will

dislike.

Currently eating:

Mixed field greens with mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, shredded carrots, black olives, and garbanzo beans.  Sounds amazing, right?  Wrong.  No dressing!  My salad is naked!  I guess it's not that bad just by itself.  I'm trying to be GOOD so tonight in cooking class I can be OH SO BAD.  I'm not sure yet what's on tonight's menu, but everytime we go it's completely sinful and I leave drunk and happy.

So, in a fair exchange to myself, I am munching on this salad in an effort to just get full and hold on until about 6:30 or so this evening.

Oh, and there's fruit in there too!  FAHHHRUIT!

Kells

Kelly Beatrice McIntyre is getting married this weekend! Look at how cute she is!

What is my hair doing and what face is Tim making?  I think I made it home around 5:30 that morning.  "Wolfie" was born that night.

I love hotel parties. Nothing is more fun than jumping from bed to bed, knocking on other guests' doors as they sleep, and breaking furniture. Wait. That's terrible. I haven't ever actually broken any hotel furniture myself and I think we've outgrown that a bit so let me correct myself--THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN. I'm trying to arrange a hotel party this weekend where a group of us are staying in Knoxville for the wedding but maybe something tamer...pool party? I'll bring the floaties, you bring the nose plugs.

I HEART Kells.

barkkk!

Oh hi!  This is Giz, aka Baby Giz.  My awesome mom took me to work with her and let me run and jump and play with eveybody.  She kept saying "shhhhhh!" but I barked anyway and ran away.  Here's a picture of us in her office:

She likes to give me lots of squeezes and pets and I think in this picture she was hugging me too hard.  Look at how amazing my furry coat looked that day!

Things got serious and I had to check my fan mail:

I wish I could work at the office everydayyyy!  Bark!

Love you,

Gizzie

"Make sure the cheese is melted as I requested"

This picture was taken awhile back when Nikki and the rest of the gang crashed at my pad for Jeff and Annie's wedding festivities:




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This was either just before or just after we ate freezer-burnt chick patties that had been in my freezer for 3 years or so, covered in slices of cheese that were equally as old but better preserved a la Chef Sam Kranz.
 
I can't remember who took this shot but I think it was me and wow, my aim was terrible.  Look at how cute Nik is!
 
She deserves a big pet AND a kiss! 

deep thoughts

People that say things like, "May you live every day of your life" should be hit in the head with a hammer.

I have a hammer.  It came in a tool kit that is especially for women and everything in it is pink and girly.  My mom bought it for me once but so far all I've used out of it was the hammer and that was to put some nails in the wall to hang my handbags and purses.  The nail was obviously too skinny and weak for the job, because after awhile I came home only to find all of my bags on the ground because the weight of them all caused the nail to slump down.  Oh, I tried to live that day of my life--that day when I thought hammering a nail into the wall to hang my bags was the first day of the rest of my life.  But no.  Those bags said, "Your nail is stupid and we're outta here!"

That is all.

Today my dad called me to inform me that a light bulb was out, again when the ceiling fan was going too fast, later to tell me I was out of laundry detergent, and just now to tell me he "might eat that package of Reeses Pieces. " Yesss!

on this cinco de mayo

...I sit at home.  Had a rough day, blah.  The weather is perfect for sitting on a patio somewhere but the idea of sitting in a loud, crowded area with a bunch of drunks eating nachos and slamming margaritas actually sounds bad to me right now.  Instead, me, Giz, and my friend Jen went for a long peaceful walk by the river and enjoyed the sunshine and watched people sprawled on the grass, having picnics and throwing frisbees.  I love living so close to the park.  Park rules!

Davis downloaded some unedited, untouched pics from the wedding.  Yikes!  Somebody should've told me that, during the wedding, my face looked like there had been an oil rig disaster because in every picture my face is slicked with something awful. 

I haven't downloaded any pictures from my camera but here's a picture of the fun place Dave and I went to at 3:30 one morning for a late middle of the night snack and funfest:

This place was hilarious.  There was  a line wrapped around the building, like, 10 times worse than any line at Krystal would be here in Memphis.  Anyway, it was a quick decision to get something to eat so we just kind of impulsively pulled into the parking lot after we saw this hot pink sign.  We decided to park and go inside and apparently this is where everyone who is anyone goes to get there midnight chile relleno fix.  It took us forever to get through the long line and there were tons of drunk people everywhere talking really loud and laughing.  The place had it's own cop inside, I guess if things got rowdy over fajitas?  Dave and I sat outside and totally people watched while we ate pretty good enchiladas.  Awesome night/early morning!

The next day I was bloated as hell and felt uber guilty for eating all that so late but it's not like I do that all the time these days. 

Here's a picture of me and Nik from her wedding reception:

This is just after Nikki informed me, "I have to peeeee!"

She looked gorgeous!  Congrats, Nik and Ryan! 

You can't tell well in the picture but my hair was pulled back into a "loose and romantic bun to the side."  Jeez, I've never had so many pins stuck in my hair or so much hairspray in my life.  My hair felt crispy for days after this and I fell asleep with the pins all in my hair--woke up at 6 the next morning and felt that my scalp had been raped in the middle of the night.  I didn't really want to have my hair styled but if I had done it myself, the humidity would have killed any chance of my looking presentable. 

Happy Cinco de Mayo, loves!  I'm off to go watch the Dog Whisperer.  Yeah, I said it!

Petsandkisses!  Muuuah!

ATL

Wow.  Seems like our trip to Atlanta was perfectly timed.  Apparently, from the minute we left Memphis and flew into Atlanta there was crazy flooding and tornados throughout the city and surrounding areas.  I HATE  tornados and am convinced that I have PTSD now because of the one I was in last summer on my birthday.  Ducking in a hot, pitch black bathroom with a bunch of screaming strangers in a furniture store=terrible. 

Dudes, Atlanta traffic is a nightmare!  FYI, if you want to go somewhere and it's only 15 minutes away, make sure you have like, 2 hours to spare because the congestion is unbelievable.  Anyway, the wedding weekend was perfect and Nikki and Ryan are the cutest things.  The weather was beautiful just for their special day and everybody really had a great time.  I'm terrible about uploading pictures onto this thing but I promise I'll put some up soon.

I loved catching up with Mr. Hawk and Ms. McIntyre, among others. 

Two more weeks and the whole gang will be back in Knoxville for Kelly's wedding day!  Yayyyyy!

I'm taking a roadtrip with Amanda McKnight...this should be interesting.  We're sharing a hotel with Amanda Harris and Neeks, hopefully the rest of the crew will stay in the same hotel and we can get a little rowdy as usual.  Except maybe this time Brian won't "almost" fall out of the hotel window or break the hotel room chair and coffee pot and there won't be any steam-rolling...OR WILL THERE?!!